A Letter To No One In Particular

A Letter To No One In Particular

By Henry David Rosso

Dear in particular,
How are you?
I really don't care, but then that is how all letters are commenced. So answer me even though you don't care if I know.
Now I am supposed to tell you about my family.
You could care less about my family, but all letters are written that way.
So answer me even though you don't care and then you can tell me about your family.
I know you don't care if I know about your family, but letters are written that way.
So don't be square. Follow the pattern.
Now I am supposed to tell you what I have been doing all these months since I last wrote.
I haven't been doing a thing but I must write and tell you so.
You don't care what I have been doing and you don't care at all if I haven't been doing anything.
But then that is how letters are written so follow along and write me and tell me how little you have been doing.
Of course, we will now go on for almost two pages telling each other how much of nothing we have been doing.
This is great fun and we must do it more often.
Now the body of the letter is finished and we must close.
We find a handy excuse to end this nonsense.
You tell me you have to go back to class when I know you never went to school a day in your life.
No, you must go back to work although you never worked a day in your life.
The truth of the matter is that you have just come to the end of the page.
Actually, you just started writing larger to take up more room.
But then the letter is finished and you must add a salutation.
Love, sincerely yours, always, your friend, be good.
These are pretty good and always seem to serve the purpose of ending the letter so we choose one and attach it to the end of the letter.
But we aren't finished yet.
Now we have to have at least one p.s. to add to the letter.
These come in the form of attractive news items that are interesting to neither of us.
They also start another page and we must close the letter again.
Oh, yes, we must remind each other to write again although we don't care if we write again.
But then this is how letters are written.
Well, I must go now.
I have an appointment and must run.
Do write when you get the chance and tell me how your family is and say hello to them for me.
Sincerely,
No one in particular
P.S., I almost forgot.
I hate to write letters